 Saint Gertrude recounts her first vision of Jesus taking place during her twenty-sixth year of age in the Benedictine monastery at Helfta. She does not characterize the time before these private revelations in glowing terms. “I bore the name and habit of a religious to no purpose,” she wrote of herself, even after growing up within the monastery.* This tepidity of spirit led to what she considered an “obscure darkness” within herself. She understood that God the Father allowed these desolations to show her the bankruptcy of the vainglory and worldly curiosity which sapped her devotion and drew her heart away from her monastic vocation. Perhaps, oddly enough, Jesus appeared to her in this moment of moral and spiritual darkness. She describes Jesus in terms of “true Light, Who art clearer than any light,” and which entered her soul’s night. Jesus spoke consoling words to Gertrude, and she saw him take her by the hand telling her, “Fear not.” In a flash, this vision shifted from Jesus’ closeness to one in which a great hedge separated them both from each other. Gertrude understood the hedge to represent her many sins and faults. It appeared to her impossible to overcome and she wept over her sins in repentance. Then, just as quickly, Jesus took her hand again and she wrote to Jesus: “and [You] placed me near Thee instantly, without difficulty.” Then, Gertrude continues this reflection on the hand of Jesus which kept the wound of His Passion for her: “casting my eyes upon the precious Hand which Thou hadst extended to me as a pledge of Thy promises, I recognized, O sweet Jesus, Thy radiant wounds, which have made of no effect the handwriting** that was against us.” Gertrude notes that this revelation affected her so deeply that her very desires shifted away from worldly pursuits and enlightened her soul to live her vocation with greater obedience, love, and a graced ease. This initial, mystical encounter opened a floodgate which immersed Gertrude’s life in the Sacred Heart of Jesus. We can learn much from Gertrude’s diary.
We know that we can “go through the motions” in our life of prayer, whether personally or during Mass. It’s not routine that deadens the spirit, it’s the cessation of yearning for deeper union with God and settling with current levels of encounter assuming one’s “peaked” when, really, we’ve simply begun. Gertrude settled into her monastic vocation, commending herself to a routine that, in and of itself, could not satisfy her heart’s desires. A moment of crisis occurred, and for her sake and the Church’s sake, Jesus appeared to Gertrude. We can see the fruits of these revelations and, therefore, their authenticity. Her personal revelations turned her away from worldly pursuits, vainglory, and graced her to “submit my unconquerable self-opinionated-ness to the sweetness of Thy [Jesus’] yoke.” The revelation of her sins that caused tears of repentance gave way to the consolation that Jesus’ Passion did away with the guilt of her sins. His hand, pierced by the nail of the Cross, took her feeble hand and encouraged her to turn away from sin. This repentance did not tear her down, it was not a worldly sorrow that leads to self-condemnation and a continuous cycle of fearful dread of God the Father. Rather, these revelations through the Holy Spirit – not a spirit of accusation or spirit of self-condemnation – gave her freedom of heart in allowing Jesus to save her. She became emboldened by these revelations of Jesus’ Mercy, neither enfeebled nor trapped in shame. These all bear the marks of a true encounter with the Holy Trinity in her life. We can take courage from the fact that Gertrude, in the short span of her years, went through a desolate time in life, like we all will, and that Jesus graced her powerfully and will grace us, too. We do not want to “settle” in our spiritual journey; but, in the same vein, we do not want to have a frantic, unanchored and peaceless pursuit of holiness either. Jesus helps us remain true to our particular vocation while deepening the truths latent within these vocations to draw everything into the sanctifying power of his Sacred Heart. We need not fear our imperfections nor even our repented sins, because these hedgerows of misery amount to tissue paper walls through which Jesus’ love easily reaches out to us and speaks the consoling word: “Be not afraid. It is I. I am with you.” When we strive for holiness, the “hedge” of our sins and faults can seem insurmountable. On our own it is impossible, but with God all things are possible (Mt. 19:26). Gertrude shows us that repentance does not need to “cripple” our running towards the Heart of Jesus. Instead, when we realize our weaknesses, sins, and overall neediness we can confidently approach Jesus who is the very source of mercy and new life for us. She did weep over her sins, but this was truly a graced moment of contrition. These are tears given by the consoling Heart of Jesus who knew what Gertrude needed to begin her journey of holiness anew. If we feel remorse for our sins, this can be a moment of healing from Jesus who desires to reconcile us to God the Father. If we find that our contrition leads to self-condemnation, ceaseless self-condemnation or a cycle of shame that impedes our trust in Jesus’ love, then we would do well to assess any thoughts keeping us locked into that cycle. The truth will set us free. We may need to simply renounce those lies and claim the truth in Jesus’ name. It may go something like this, “Jesus, in your Name, I renounce the lie that ‘I’m no good’ and ‘unforgivable’ and I claim the truth in your Name that I am beloved. Amen.” If you have to say that with a spirit of peace several times a day, who cares? Each moment is claiming a victory and each moment plants the flag of our identity in the mercy of God through Christ. It’s that confidence and boldness that won the title “the Great” for Saint Gertrude. Please join me in this prayer asking for Saint Gertrude to pray for us: Heavenly Father, thank you for the rich blessings you bestowed upon Saint Gertrude. Thank you for the revelations you gave her about our Savior, Jesus. I praise you for the confidence and boldness of Gertrude which invites me to live out the same in my own life. Through her powerful intercession, please grant to me a deep trust in the unfathomable mercy of Jesus. Through Gertrude’s prayer, deliver me from fear and distrust. Grant to me, Father, a fresh outpouring of the Holy Spirit who is your Love. May this trust in Jesus’ Sacred Heart anchor my life of worship and service. Amen. Saint Gertrude the Great, pray for us. |
AuthorFr. Jacob Bearer is a Catholic priest. He's about 6' to 6'4'' tall depending on which Convenient Store he's exiting. Although he enjoys kidney beans in chili, Fr. Jacob does not like baked beans and counts this as one of the toughest blotches on his character. He's been the administrator of SS. Edward's and Lucy's since January of 2022. Thank God for the Hatchery...this is a place where the author can share thoughts and ideas that don't quite seem right for the bulletin and won't exactly make for a homily (except for the times when the homily is posted with a sound file or used for a blog post). God bless you...and the hatchery. Archives
September 2023
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